


A Nice Trip Family Trip to Femboy Hooters

by orphan_account



Category: South Park
Genre: Femboy hooters, M/M, One-Sided Attraction, References to Ancient Greek Religion & Lore
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-02
Updated: 2020-08-02
Packaged: 2021-03-06 05:41:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,052
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25678273
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Craig just wanted to go to Femboy Hooters for his birthday so he could get a kiss on the cheek from his favourite server. He went there almost every weekend, getting the money from his job at the gas station. The visit ends in disaster when they end up actually kissing.
Relationships: Craig Tucker/Tweek Tweak
Comments: 21
Kudos: 35





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Hi, I've had this idea in my head for a week now - dear lord. I hate how this turned out, it's hot GARBAGE. It will, however, be continued.

“So, Son, why is it you wanted your birthday at....” Thomas squinted up at the sign. “...Femboy Hooters?” He said with confusion. Craig flipped him off, and his father returned the gesture. Tricia shook her head and pinched the bridge of her nose. Laura stood there awkwardly next to Thomas, looking to see inside the odd new restaurant. Her 18-year-old (formerly 17-year-old) son Craig had frequented the place for about two months and had started working at the old gas station just to pay to go there most weekends. Laura had driven him a few times, but she’d never gone in. Craig said it had a “good atmosphere” and “really nice workers”. Laura was pretty sure that’s not why but didn’t probe him with questions. Craig’s face was red from embarrassment at his father’s questions, but his smile had not faltered. He’d come out a few months ago, and just by his luck, the restaurant had opened a few blocks down from the original Raisins.

As Thomas opened up the front door for his wife and two kids, his jaw dropped. He closed his mouth and looked to Craig, who was already making a beeline for the host station. Music blared through the speakers, the walls painted a bright welcoming orange with wood panelling. People were zooming around on rollerskates, some just walking. All had make-up on and a shirt with the restaurant’s logo on it. The servers that were at tables were laughing heartily, hands on backs and shoulders and arms. Laura gave her husband a knowing smirk. Her curiosity was quelled.

“Hi Butters, I got a reservation for a table for four… in, uh Tweek’s area,” Craig said, tapping his fingers on the edge of the little table. Butters smiled, leaning down to grab menus and utensils.

“Oh, Tweek is so excited to see you,” Butters chirps, head still dipped down. “He says you’re the first customer who’s really taken to him,” He added, popping up from behind the host station.

“Uh, yep,” Craig said. He was pretty sure Butters was lying to him - Tweek was the most handsome and charming person he’d ever met. How everyone here hadn't at least taken note of him, tried flirting with him, asked him for his number, Craig wasn't sure. Then again, Craig didn't flirt with Tweek either. He found that he wasn’t the best at it, and ruining his chances with Tweek wasn’t a risk he wanted to take. Butters flicked his hand, beckoning Craig to follow him. Craig called for his family to follow him and Butters as they dodged the roller-skating servers. The blonde sat them down and bid them goodbye, saying Tweek was just so excited to serve them. The Tuckers waited in awkward silence for their server to come. Tricia traced circles on the table, resting her head on her fist.

Laura saw him first, walking over in his orange shorts that barely covered his behind and white sneakers. She leaned over and whispered to her husband and daughter. Craig’s face lit up when he saw their waiter.

“Hi Craig, I heard it’s your birthday today!” Tweek said, smiling wide. Craig chuckled, rubbing the back of his neck. Tweek was an 18-year-old with blonde unruly hair, mischievous green eyes, and a beautiful smile. The birthday boy took a moment to look Tweek up and down, his short-shorts squeezing his thighs and a loose tank-top hanging off his shoulder.

The first time Tweek saw Craig was in the local newspaper. ‘Local Track Star wins Park County Tournament’. He had given Craig’s photo a glance, noticing his Greek nose and smirk on his face in an up-close shot. He heard Kenny talking about it at work the next day, how his sister’s friend was the track star’s sister, as if he himself had won.

“What would you all like to drink today?” Tweek chirped. While one of his hands held his pad of paper, the other snaked down to rub Craig’s back. The noirette shuddered at the touch, looking up at Tweek who was quite oblivious talking to his family. He does this all the time, Craig reminded himself.  
“I’ll have a Coke,” Thomas said.  
“I’ll have the same,” Laura added.

“Me too,” Tricia smiled at Tweek, studying him with a smirk. His turn up nose, wide eyes, and rosy cheeks were nothing short of feminine. But that’s the point, Tricia supposed, feminine boys. She got the appeal, from how her brother was giving goo-goo eyes to their waiter.

“I’ll have a Sprite,”

“Ah, my favourite,” Tweek said, waving goodbye to the table as he swooped away. Craig tilted his head, resting his cheek on his palm as he watched the blonde drift out of his vision.

Tricia snapped her fingers in front of her brother’s face. “Earth to Craig! Why’d you bring us here when all you’re going to do is get all hot and bothered by our server?” Craig flipped his sister off, covering his face with his hands. Thomas and Laura picked up their menus and flipped through them.

“I think that’s the point, sweetie,” Laura explained, pressing a kiss to the top of her daughter’s head. Thomas chuckled, leaning in to whisper to his wife as he dropped his menu back onto the table. Laura gasped and poked her Thomas’ arm, giggling softly. She too set down her menu.

“It’s still weird.” Tricia huffed, crossing her arms as she looked around. She spotted Kenny McCormick, chatting with some customers. She recognised him as her best friend’s older brother. Tricia was just about to call him over when Tweek was speeding back with their drinks.

“One Sprite and three Cokes, just for you four,” Tweek passed around the drinks, placing them delicately on the coasters. Thomas immediately took a sip.

“Hey, do you know Kenny McCormick? I think that’s him over there?” Tricia pointed at Kenny, who was just getting into the back room. “I’m best friends with his sister, Karen,” Tricia chuckled, smiling at Tweek. The boy’s face immediately lit up.

“K-Karen? She’s such a sweetheart!” The blonde gushed. “So y-you’re, hnn, Tricia? I heard you’ve got quite a t-tongue on you,” Tweek giggled, wagging his finger. Craig sat in shock. Had Tricia known about Tweek and not told him? She wasn't his wingman, of course, but Craig still wanted a little help as Tweek and Tricia chatted. Tricia made a remark about Karen and then Tweek turned back into the person Craig knew.

“Have you all decided what you want?” Tweek said, fake smile plastered on his face again. Tricia let out a gasp while quickly picking up a menu.

“While Tricia is deciding, I’ll explain the birthday program here at Femboy Hooters to you all. I know Craig here already knows all about it…” Tweek teased, giving him a pat on the back. Craig nodded fervently. “He will get a free birthday cake and a kiss on the cheek from his favourite Femboy Hooters server! Doesn’t that sound good, Craig?” Tweek said, winking at the birthday boy. Craig flushed dark red.

“Yes.”

“Now, let’s start with you, birthday boy,” Tweek said, taking a step closer to Craig. His thigh was almost touching the noirette’s arm.

“I’d like the usual, boneless wings,” Craig said, as if on cue.

“So you don’t like to bone?” Tweek said, tracing his fingers up from Craig’s back to the base of his neck and back down. Tricia pinched the bridge of her nose.

“You always make that joke, Tweek,” Craig said, looking up at him. Tweek giggled, covering his mouth with his hand.

“Are you excited for your little birthday kiss? Who do you want a kiss from?” Tweek pitch went higher the more he spoke.

“You, obviously,” Craig scoffed.

“Aw, really? I - uh - th-thank you,” Tweek stammered. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. Kenny said the cracks in his composure were something he had to use carefully and sparingly. He pressed his notepad to his chest. Smell the flowers, blow out the candle. Alright. He took the orders smoothly.

“Well, I will be out with your food soon, everyone,” Tweek said, waving as he turned on his heels and speed-walked away.

“You get a fucking kiss? You dragged us to Hooters for a kiss on the cheek?” Tricia hissed, scowling and pointing at Craig. Craig scowled back at her and flipped her off. The banter continued until Laura stopped the two siblings.

“Tricia, cállate, your brother’s hormones are still raging. You’ve been teasing him for drooling all over our server and then turn around and wonder why he wants a kiss from them.” Laura said, reprimanding her daughter.

“Craig, Son, it’s alright if you want a kiss from someone you think is hot. I get it, I like blondes too,” Thomas said, smiling at his son. Everyone else at the table turned a bright red, and Laura chided her husband for his remarks.

After about ten minutes, Tweek was back with their food. He glided around the table, gingerly setting down the plates of wings, hamburgers, and fries. He turned to the table nearest the Tuckers, where another blonde with curly hair sat, looking around while smiling ear to ear.

“Hi Bradley, may I please take this chair?” Tweek asked, grabbing the back of it.

“Oh, yeah, just w-waiting for Butters to get off,” He said with a wave of his hand. The teen was dating the host and cashier of the restaurant, still supporting his job. Tweek wished he could find someone like Bradley, just less jittery.

“Thanks,” Tweek said, dragging it across the floor to sit by Craig. The noirette flushed as Tweek sat next to him, crossing his arms. Tweek crossed his legs and turned to look at Craig.

“How old are you turning today?” He asked, resting his head on his palm.

“Eighteen.” Craig rubbed the back of his neck. Tweek gasped, smiling.

“Oooh, that’s a big one,” He said, placing his hand on Craig’s thigh. Craig flushed a dark red, locking eyes with the saucy blonde. His eyes were dark with a sort of wanton teasing, meanwhile, Craig’s were blown wide with lust.

“That’s what she said!” Tricia exclaimed. Laura groaned, and the moment was broken. The rest of the dinner was spent chatting and flirting, but a moment like that never happened again. Craig mourned the loss of it, wishing it to come like the gentle rays of sunlight through a layer of dreary clouds.

It was after Craig had finished his dessert when Tweek decided to try to kiss him. Craig was wiping the chocolate off his cheek when the server leaned in to kiss his cheek. Craig froze and turned to face him, and their lips collided together. Tweek quickly pulled away and stood up, not even pushing in his chair as he hurried away. Craig watched him go, shocked and embarassed. He raked a hand through his hair as Tricia started laughing.

Craig didn’t go back for a few months and made a pact with himself never to go again. The embarrassment of seeing Tweek, even in his imagination, was too much to bear. When the blonde came into his thoughts, Craig would always go red and dig his hands into his pockets, wishing it away. His whole family teased him and wouldn’t ever let him live it down. He suspected when he went that crimson colour his family knew what was up and just wanted it to worsen. Craig got more hours at the gas station and began going to the nearby community college to become a mechanic. His dreams of being an astronaut were never that realistic, he assured himself.


	2. Chapter 2

Tweek put on his sunglasses and hood. He just wanted some snacks, but at what price? Meeting the guy he accidentally kissed and nearly got fired over? Perhaps. Tweek strode confidently into the gas station, overcompensating for his frazzled nerves. The bell rang, and any shred of courage he had gone into flames. He recognised Craig as soon as he’d seen him at the counter. The only time the constantly-flustered boy had ever tried to flirt with him is when he mentioned that he worked at the gas station, that Tweek should ‘stop by sometime, maybe’. He grimaced as Craig gave him a wave, lowering his head and shuffling to the candy aisle. 

The brightly coloured candies were designed to catch your attention. He remembered that red and yellow make you hungry, so Tweek avoided them. His conspiracy theorist often seeped out into his day-to-day activities. He chose Oreos. Tweek grabbed them off the rack and walked slowly to the counter. Craig was watching him intently with his eyebrows knitted. Tweek avoided his gaze even through his sunglasses. 

“Oh, uh, would you like to try out our world-famous slushies?”

“J-just ring me up, hnngh, please,” He huffs, lifting up his sunglasses so they rested on the top of his head. His hood tipped back onto his shoulders, and Craig’s jaw dropped. There stood Tweek in all his glory. It was as if Zeus had just revealed his true self to Semele, with Craig red in the face and eyebrows raised. Tweek crossed his arms and looked out the floor-length windows, grimacing.

“Sure - uh, would you like to sign up for our customer rewards program?” Craig sputtered, eyes lowered. Tweek also let his glance fall down onto the counter. 

“Yes, please,” He chirped. His anxiousness was building. 

“Okay, it’s free - every dollar spent on gas or items we have in the store is ten points,” Craig explained, waving his hand about as if to provide more detail. Tweek nodded, reaching in his pocket for his wallet. His blue nails stuck out against the faded stickers that decorated the clear surface. Neat, thought Craig.

“I like your wallet. Where’d you get those stickers?” He asked, pointing a bony finger at Tweek’s colourful wallet. His face lit up, grinning wide as he explained.

“O-oh! Yeah, um, I like them. I think stickers are cool when you think about it. Anyways…” Tweek blew a piece of hair that had fallen onto his nose, tickling him. Craig froze. 

“So, how will you be payi-?” Craig stopped as Tweek jerked his shoulder, shaking. His wallet dropped onto the countertop.

“Hnngh!” Tweek said through bared teeth. After the sound stopped and his shoulder went down, the poor boy had a horrified expression. “I’m so sorry, that happens when I’m nervous! I’m sorry - sorry,” Tweek gasped, his hands flying to his cheeks, face flushed. Craig blinked. Tweek nervously took one of his hands down, placing it on his wallet.

“It’s alright, Tweek...look, it’s on the house,” Craig sighed, placing his hand on top of Tweek’s. Tweek jerked his hand away. 

“R-really? Oh, oh, th-thank you!” Tweek’s fingers moved from his cheek to his lips. The blonde smiled ear to ear. Craig took a mental snapshot, Tweek seemed... happier, than Craig had ever seen him before. Not that his smile seemed as powerful at it could be, but Tweek wasn’t faking it.

“You’re welcome, Tweek,” Craig smiled fondly, looking into Tweek’s ocean green eyes. In the artificial white lighting, Craig couldn’t help admire his beauty. He shook the thought out of his head, telling himself he should stop thinking from his dick.

Tweek grabbed his bag of Oreos and hurried out into the cold. As Craig watched him, he noticed the awful button up-snow combination. He sat back in his chair watching Tweek get into his car, hiding his flushed face with his phone. He regretted not saying anything more, but he never had anyway.

\---

The Tuckers sat around the dining table. It was silent except for the scraping of metal against their plates. Thomas cleared his throat.

“Uh, Craig, how was your day?” He asked, giving his son a look that said ‘please save this dinner’. Craig shrugged, poking his food with his fork.

“If you want a different job, there’s always the bank.” Laura said, putting a piece of meat into her mouth. 

“No, I’m alright,” Craig said, resting his forehead on his palm. His eyes unfocused as he stared down at his plate. 

“Any bad customers? People who wouldn’t pay? You always have a story.” Laura urged.

“I mean, there was one customer who didn’t pay…” Craig said, looking at his mother. “ButIsaiditwasonthehouse...” He mumbled, turning red. Laura shook her head.

“If you get caught doing that, you’ll get fired,” Thomas said. Craig rolled his eyes, flipping off his father. Thomas scowled.

“We don’t want you without a job,” Laura placed her hand on Craig’s shoulder and rubbed her thumb. 

“Where’s Tricia?” Craig asked. His fiery-haired and sarcastic sister was, noticeably, not at the table.

“Out jogging,” Thomas grumbled. The rest of dinner went by as smoothly as it could, and the Tuckers separated. Tricia got home at 7, and settled down watching TV in the living room. Laura, Thomas, and Craig all went to their respective rooms. Craig browsed Netflix for a few hours, eventually settling on just texting with Clyde, his best friend.

Clyde Donovan was a typical jock, a stereotype of someone who peaked in high school. 3 years ahead Craig, his coworker and best friend, he had gotten a degree in business degree by obtaining a scholarship for his athletic feats. Clyde had gone back to South Park after graduating. He and his girlfriend Bebe reunited and were living in the condos in Shi Tpa Town Historic District. 

hey clyde. im bored. 

wanna play tic tac toe

sure 

Craig was just about to go to sleep after a few games when he heard loud talking downstairs. He pulled back the covers with a groan. Just as his feet touched the ground, he heard a loud laugh that sounded like Tricia’s echo from downstairs. His parents were heavy sleepers. Craig was not. He stomped up to his door and opened it up.

“Quiet down Tricia!” He yelled. The voices stopped.

“I have guests over!” She yelled back. 

“It’s 10 pm!” Craig put his head through the doorway, peering down the stairs and into the living room. There were three figures: one was obviously Tricia, tall and sturdy, but two shorter, skinnier figures were huddled together. Tricia grumbled something, but Craig had already slammed his door shut.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed this...thing. My Tumblr is artnstuffsouthpark.


End file.
